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Psychiatrist - Screenwriter
Northridge, California

ME: Hello, Walter -- May I call you Walter...? Or, should I say, Dr. Jacobson?

WALTER JACOBSON, MD: Whichever you prefer.

ME AGAIN: Okay, Walt. First off, you are one of my more interesting friends.

You're a PSYCHIATRIST, as well as a screenwriter.

Why don't you introduce yourself?

WJMD PSYCHIATRIST: I am a practicing psychiatrist in the Los Angeles area. I do both talk therapy and medication management. I recently completed a screenplay and am working with a producer/director to raise financing to produce it.

ME: This is Hollywood, doctor. SELL YOURSELF.

Someone may read this, and offer you money for your picture.

Why should he do that? IS IT REALLY GREAT?

Comedy? Action-adventure? A film for other psychiatrists? -- What?

WJMD PSYCHIATRIST: "Broken Soldiers" is an action-adventure film, best described as "One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest" meets "The Dirty Dozen." It's got huge blockbuster potential.

ME: I notice your dog's name is JUNO -- a reference to Carl Jung? And, if so, why didn't you call him JUNG-O...?

WJMD PSYCHIATRIST: That's funny. I actually am a big fan of Carl Jung. Like him, I am both a scientist and a mystic, a believer in the principles of synchronicity and the I-Ching.

ME: Tell me, what's your take on the social engineering experiment here? It seems like a publicity scheme, with some good things going on around the edges.

WJMD PSYCHIATRIST: It's fantastic. It provides everyone and anyone with the opportunity to express themselves, to be creative, to reach out and communicate with others. I think it's a great thing. And the fact that it can provide networking/business opportunities is also a big plus.

ME: You have some very thoughtful blogs , and obviously believe they are of value to post. However: Aren't we at risk of being drowned out by the spammers and real estate brokers who try to sneak advertising past us?

WJMD PSYCHIATRIST: Despite the numbers of profiles that are marketing and promotion gimmicks, adult website teasers, etc., there are plenty of real people out there. It's my hope to reach as many of them as possible with my occasional blogs of political passion.

ME: Are you HOPEFUL about where the country is heading, Walter? -- Seems to me, we are on the Titanic, and all the life rafts are on fire.

WJMD PSYCHIATRIST: I am hopeful only because the Democrats did win the election and have more power now, and it's possible that with this power, they will accomplish great things.

ME: Under FAVORITE TV SHOWS, you chose 24, but under FAVORITE NUMBERS you chose 22 . -- Why the contradiction?

WJMD PSYCHIATRIST: It's not a contradiction. In Numerology, the number 22 is regarded as a "master number." I share that sentiment. However, appreciating the number 22 above and beyond other numbers doesn't preclude my experiencing and enjoying the energies, manifestations, and symbologies of other numbers.

ME: Tell me this, if someone's Really, Really crazy -- how long does it take you to tell? Minutes? HOURS?


ME: You've been trained. What do you look for?

WJMD PSYCHIATRIST: The guy's talking to somebody else but there's no one else there. He's prying open the electrical outlet to destroy the hidden cameras. You know, the little things.

ME: Aluminum foil destroys the hidden cameras.

Everyone knows that.

Plus, just before, it reflects back on the guys in the capes -- and BLINDS them.

Tell your patients, works for me every time.

There's a guy, employee at the newsstand by me, I drive by -- BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER. I can tell instantly -- I don't need to talk to him, ask about his parents or anything else... He's got the Charlie Manson stare. He's either mentally ill -- or Very, Very near-sighted.

WJMD PSYCHIATRIST: Although I've never performed a diagnostic interview with Charles Manson, nor do I recall the little I've read about him, I suspect he was more likely psychotic rather than borderline.

ME: Well, he's got SOMETHING going on. And if he has a sister, I DON'T WANT TO DATE HER.

I notice, under your HEROES, you listed JACK BAUER
first, and ALBERT EINSTEIN last. Were you being alphabetical, or trying to get under my skin?

WJMD PSYCHIATRIST: It was stream of consciousness. Forgive me.

ME: Say, here's a subject for you -- HUMOR.

Answer me this, why is it I can be funny, and a horde of people laugh -- but one guy way in the back of the group always wants to beat my head in?

Explain that to me. What's wrong with the aggressive guy, and why's he want to pulp me? He's hopelessly deranged, isn't he? I KNEW IT.

WJMD PSYCHIATRIST: His rage has nothing to do with you personally. His aggression towards you is a displacement of his anger towards the world in general.

ME: Another thing. Our celebrities began changing.

Started with Jerry Springer's guests, Howard Stern added his two cents, and now we have our Reality TV stars. These are NOT like celebrities from the past. Used to be, you needed to have a talent, be a juggler or a magician -- Today, you can just be Paris Hilton.

What happened? Are we celebrating people with narcissistic personality disorders? I don't LIKE these people, how do I get them off my television set?

WJMD PSYCHIATRIST: There is a lot of narcissism going around these days. The world is devolving into a cesspool. Get used to it.

ME: I know you're probably 800 dollars an hour and I could never afford you. But, could you do me a favor and look over some of my friends list, and tell me what's wrong with them? They never seem to pay attention when I tell them things. I'll write a bulletin, and they'll write me how much they enjoyed it -- then, they forget EVERYTHING. Attention deficit? Do they need ritalin?

WJMD PSYCHIATRIST: "The fault, dear Brutus, lies not in our stars but in ourselves that we are underlings."

ME: By the way, what is your attitude on MEDICATION?

Have we become a nation of pill-poppers?

Half the people I know TAKE something, the other half HATE the first half -- but they DRINK.

Are the SSRI's as effective as they say? ...If you have any free samples, I could drop by your office and pick them up -- to run my own test.

WJMD PSYCHIATRIST: My preference is that people transform their lives by changing their minds and making better choices, rather than resorting to medications. However, medications can be remarkably helpful for people, many of whom would never get to that place of feeling okay by talk therapy alone. Medications are not without risks, side effects and potential toxicities, which is why they should only be used when necessary.

ME: Well, doctor, I'd like to thank you for putting up with me, and my annoying questions.

We should stay in touch -- I have enough crazy friends to keep your office couch filled for years.

I'd have to capture the worst ones in
NETS, and bring them to you.

But, I don't mind. They could use the help, and I could use the free pill samples, so... what say... next Thursday around One?


psychiatrist walter jacobson