the not-barry big daddy link,if you'd rather have that
More Than You Ever Wanted to Know About BARRY
Hel lo BArry ,
You have been selected to participate in an interview for an update of this page here, which when it's done, may look a little more like this other page, or possibly more like this one here. I doubt very much it would look anything like this, but you never know.
Participation is discretionary, however you are urged very strongly to answer the questions below. How can people learn from your mistakes, if I don't write about them?
Please answer each question fully and to the best of your ability.
Should you not know the answer to a question -- BLUFF!
HERE GOES.
How are you this evening, Barry?
BARRY ANSWERS HERE: very well, thank you.
HOW ARE YOUR STUDIES COMING? BOTANY WASN'T IT?
Something like that. Only I'll be able to dispense medications.
YOU DON'T SAY? CAN YOU GET ME SOME BACK MEDICINE? I'M OUT OF THAT.
BARRY:
BARRY, YOU THERE?
BARRY, PLEASE TRY TO ANSWER EACH QUESTION FULLY, OR PEOPLE MIGHT GET BORED AND TURN ON THEIR TELEVISIONS.
BARRY: didn't know you'd asked anything.
YOU ALWAYS ARGUE WITH ME, BARRY. THIS ISN'T THE TIME OR THE PLACE.
TELL ME, ARE YOU ABLE TO PRACTICE YOUR GUITAR, AMIDST ALL THIS FICTIONAL SCHOOL-WORK?
BARRY: ...i'm making straight A's.
CONGRATULATIONS. AND YOU STILL HAVE PLENTY OF TIME AFTERNOONS, I SEE, TO TROLL ONLINE FOR THE BABES.
BARRY:
SAY, did you ever learn your mixolydian modes -- or are you still trying to fake it, by playing the minor blues scale over everything?
BARRY: faking
Figures.
You know what the secret to musicianship is, don't you...? -- Amplification.
The electricity goes out, Segovia, Debussy, all those guys sound just AWFUL.
Electricity is your friend. Remember that.
BARRY: ...Segovia hated electric guitar. But I do suppose he was mic'd. And Debussy died in 1918. How much electricity do you think he used?
BARRY, WHY DO YOU ALWAYS ARGUE WITH ME?
I TRY TO GIVE YOU THE BENEFIT OF MY WISDOM, AND ALL I GET IS AN ARGUMENT.
Barry:
Say, Barry -- you know anything about this TV series LOST?
Each week, it comes on, and it looks dopey, so I turn the volume off.
By the END of the episode, it starts looking good -- but I've missed everything.
Never even heard the theme music.
-- Is it like Gilligan's Island, with people lost at sea? Because I SAW Gillian's Island. So, I don't have to see this LOST, if it's the same.
-- BARRY?
Barry: ...Yes?
THE TV SHOW "LOST"--
Barry: Don't know.
BARRY, YOU ARE QUITE A FAN OF MY WRITING.
FOR GOD SAKE'S, WHY?
Barry: I find it entertaining. You're very amusing.
WELL, THANK YOU. (This is why I put up with the arguing: the Shameless Flattery, that comes in dribs and drabs, in between.)
BARRY: It's also a nice excuse to break away from the books and see what's new on your site.
It's kind of like eating a York Peppermint Pattie.
I'M NOT SURE WHAT THAT MEANS, BUT THANK YOU.
YOU SEEM TO LIKE MY CONTESTS AS WELL. WHY?
WHAT'S THE POINT? AREN'T THEY IRRITATING?
BARRY: No.
I GET PLENTY OF IRRITATED PEOPLE, WHEN I RUN THEM.
BARRY: I guess I've always had the determination to win at most games.
And, it's a nice escape from the school books, you know.
I SEE. I'M A DIVERSION. LIKE A SORE THROAT.
YOU WROTE ME ONE TIME, that you told your OLDEST friend (from the 1st grade) in Japan to add me.
WHAT'S YOUR BEST FRIEND DOING IN JAPAN? VISA TROUBLE? BRIDE HUNTING?
BARRY: He's always had a fetish for Japanese women and their culture.
Learned the language in high school too. In fact, he's never dated any other kind of woman, all have been Japanese.
WELL, I'M SURE ALL OUR EASTERN READERS WILL APPRECIATE YOU SAYING HE HAD A 'FETISH.'
BARRY: So it was only natural for him to move out there. He's now a successful anime artist. Very talented.
ONE OF your 1st letters to me was: "I love your writing. It confuses the hell out of me."
I make perfect sense to myself.
HOW AM I CONFUSING? - I'M CONFUSED.
BARRY: I don't know. It just seems like whenever I read you, I laugh really, really hard. Then I go, WHA?
IS IT CONFUSING, like you're in a class on thermo-nuclear geometry, and can't follow along?
OR, like some strange homeless maniac is BABBLING, and you can't follow along??
(EDITOR'S NOTE: If you choose the 2nd answer, Barry, I won't print your response.)
BARRY:
BARRY, YOU DO CEMETARY WORK. TELL ME, IS IT REALLY LIKE THE TV SHOW " SIX FEET UNDER" -- WHERE EVERYONE WEARS FUNNY HATS AND DRINKS CHAMPAGNE ALL THE TIME?
BARRY: Well, that's funeral home work. I'll let you know sometime later because I was offered more part time work at a local funeral home. Driving the hearse, stand-in pallbearer and other miscellaneous work.
ALL RIGHT. YOU NOW HAVE TWO SENTENCES TO shamelessly plug this violin-player you like so much.
GO--
BARRY: He writes his own music, sings awesome, very proficient on the piano, is only 15 years old and his name is Antonio Pontarelli.
THAT WAS ONE SENTENCE.
YOU'RE A SENTENCE SHORT.
ANYTHING ELSE YOU'D LIKE TO ADD? ABOUT HOW I'M A GENIUS OR ANYTHING?
BARRY: No. That's it.
I SEE.
Well, at this point, I'd like to thank you for your time in answering your questionaire.
Please hand your pencil to the man on your way out -- don't try to pocket it, we have you on videotape, gnawing on the eraser.
If you make it into the academy, you will be advised of the fact, within six to eight weeks. Good luck, thanks again. And remember: People can't learn from your mistakes, if I don't write about them.
it's BARRY !
everything you've always wanted to know about barry
not-barry for those who want that.
